Why oh why did we invent coffee flavoured ones? Who though that coffee flavoured sweets are tasty? They should all be shot.
While exploring the end of my diet as I need to recover from hangover of stag dos’ I came across some jelly beans in the office goodie bag. Sweet I thought, let’s eat a few; I munched through a few and ended the yummy spree with coffee.
STOP MAKING COFFEE FLAVOURED SWEETS YOU BUNCH OF MORONS
Signing Off
Lemon Tree Man
Wednesday 27 October 2010
Tuesday 19 October 2010
Stinking Strikes.
For anyone who has been following the news, it is plain to see that the French have got it right. They want something, the country grinds to a halt until they get it. I am not saying they are right to do it, but if it gets them what they want then good.
To put it in perspective, we the English decide we want to strike, we do it for a day get bored of the damp cold and go home to tea and crumpets with the missus. No wonder our strikes never succeed. I mean why would you give up the toasty oil barrel barbecues and special brew for tea and crumpets? Is it because as a nation we are emasculated by female kind?
We used to be a great nation, we ruled the world and now we cannot even rule our own country.
Why the news about strikes, well because in my kindness I have agreed to go and collect a merry band of fools; in order to stop them being beheaded by Marie Antoinette, for not being willing to sleep with her. Needless to say I drive a traditionalist car and it need petrol, the one thing that you cannot buy in France today.
If I wanted coal or electricity or bread, wine and garlic, no problem 'monsieur ere it is for you'. Petrol... non non we do not stocking sis in our beautiful country.
Damn you French bureaucracy! I am now forced to drive around like the mad zeppelin man Von Graff with a car full of explosive stuff, rendering my smoking habit a bit more risky than normal.
I suppose now is the time I wish I had one of those green cars that do a million miles on fresh air. Actually I remember, they don't exist! I would right now happily settle for a diesel golf as that would get me there and back on one tank, even a v8 diesel jag would do it. Damn me for being poor and not driving those luxo-barges.
Irony would have it that if I don't take petrol I will run out, but by taking petrol I won't need it. Maybe I can send the bill to the French Unions and say dudes you fail and cough up or we will conquer your country again and make sure that for every man that goes on strike we will shoot a random person on the streets.
So come forth together great British people, bring back the monarchy and lets us show the French what it is really like to be inconvenienced.
Signing Off
Lemon Tree Man
To put it in perspective, we the English decide we want to strike, we do it for a day get bored of the damp cold and go home to tea and crumpets with the missus. No wonder our strikes never succeed. I mean why would you give up the toasty oil barrel barbecues and special brew for tea and crumpets? Is it because as a nation we are emasculated by female kind?
We used to be a great nation, we ruled the world and now we cannot even rule our own country.
Why the news about strikes, well because in my kindness I have agreed to go and collect a merry band of fools; in order to stop them being beheaded by Marie Antoinette, for not being willing to sleep with her. Needless to say I drive a traditionalist car and it need petrol, the one thing that you cannot buy in France today.
If I wanted coal or electricity or bread, wine and garlic, no problem 'monsieur ere it is for you'. Petrol... non non we do not stocking sis in our beautiful country.
Damn you French bureaucracy! I am now forced to drive around like the mad zeppelin man Von Graff with a car full of explosive stuff, rendering my smoking habit a bit more risky than normal.
I suppose now is the time I wish I had one of those green cars that do a million miles on fresh air. Actually I remember, they don't exist! I would right now happily settle for a diesel golf as that would get me there and back on one tank, even a v8 diesel jag would do it. Damn me for being poor and not driving those luxo-barges.
Irony would have it that if I don't take petrol I will run out, but by taking petrol I won't need it. Maybe I can send the bill to the French Unions and say dudes you fail and cough up or we will conquer your country again and make sure that for every man that goes on strike we will shoot a random person on the streets.
So come forth together great British people, bring back the monarchy and lets us show the French what it is really like to be inconvenienced.
Signing Off
Lemon Tree Man
Monday 18 October 2010
The Joy of Monday Morning
Having realised that the weekend is over, I cringed at the thought of going to work. Having had an epiphany at 5 in the morning I realize that I am on holiday again. So I really did not need to get up and go to work.
Great I thought what plans for the day?
Phone the doctor, to attempt an appointment, is the first task of the day. 8:30am the place is closed, great, does no one work anymore? So I need to wait until 9; miracle occurs as I only need to wait 24hrs. Which for the UK is very good.
Task 2.... check my work e-mails...
Task3... bored now....
Task 4 think of something nice to do....
Task 5 go shopping...
Task 6... bored now...
Having spent most of my professional life being a workaholic, I find myself at a loss as to what to do when not being bothered by my work.
This is a terrible habit, one that should be curable but somehow in vain do I hope. It is not that I do not have things, to do... the list is endless and yes lots of... today.
It is just I have no compulsion to do them, at all. I can only spend so much time cleaning and gardening without getting cabin fever.
Preparing the house for guests later on in the week is great but now I sit and wonder whether I really want to have guests. The point of living on one's own is to be alone, yet all the while craving company.
Essentially, the idea of company is more solace than the actual company; this I fear is indicative of modern society, thus the creation of silly things like Facebook and MyFace and Twitter. All so that we can pretend to care and show everyone what an exciting life we lead.
Clearly we all go jumping of bridges with elastic bands and planes and go potholing everyday of the week; every night we are out getting drunk with our myriad of friends. So there you have it proof that our society is based on over active freaks with no social skills.
Seriously are we that afraid of others that we must indulge in extreme solo sports? What happened to having dinner with friends, going to sit in a cafe and people watch?
Answer my question and I might write more.
Signing off
Lemon Tree Man
Great I thought what plans for the day?
Phone the doctor, to attempt an appointment, is the first task of the day. 8:30am the place is closed, great, does no one work anymore? So I need to wait until 9; miracle occurs as I only need to wait 24hrs. Which for the UK is very good.
Task 2.... check my work e-mails...
Task3... bored now....
Task 4 think of something nice to do....
Task 5 go shopping...
Task 6... bored now...
Having spent most of my professional life being a workaholic, I find myself at a loss as to what to do when not being bothered by my work.
This is a terrible habit, one that should be curable but somehow in vain do I hope. It is not that I do not have things, to do... the list is endless and yes lots of... today.
It is just I have no compulsion to do them, at all. I can only spend so much time cleaning and gardening without getting cabin fever.
Preparing the house for guests later on in the week is great but now I sit and wonder whether I really want to have guests. The point of living on one's own is to be alone, yet all the while craving company.
Essentially, the idea of company is more solace than the actual company; this I fear is indicative of modern society, thus the creation of silly things like Facebook and MyFace and Twitter. All so that we can pretend to care and show everyone what an exciting life we lead.
Clearly we all go jumping of bridges with elastic bands and planes and go potholing everyday of the week; every night we are out getting drunk with our myriad of friends. So there you have it proof that our society is based on over active freaks with no social skills.
Seriously are we that afraid of others that we must indulge in extreme solo sports? What happened to having dinner with friends, going to sit in a cafe and people watch?
Answer my question and I might write more.
Signing off
Lemon Tree Man
Friday 15 October 2010
After The Break
Hello dear viewers, after a couple weeks holiday doing work I am back. Well actually still late by 4 days as I started this 4 days ago.
Unfortunately this means that I have a few things I would like to say and not enough energy to type it all. So without further waffling let’s get started.
Politiking in the office.
All thanks to our comrades and our socialist office structure we are now being faced with the classic animal farm scenario of Napoléon being more equal than others. In fact I believe most people are more equal than me.
Please don’t think I am at all jealous at being the humble comrade that sits around drinking vodka day in and day out. I like being at the bottom of the pile as it gives me the possibility to mooch about and be ‘hip and cool’.
What worries me is that I am like the horse at the end of its useful life, rather than be let free to roam amongst the pastures to enjoy my reward for working so much, I have a sneaky suspicion that it’s to the glue factory for this one.
Of course the glue will help other worker bees’ lives but invariably it will profit only the king of the hill. All the best will in the world won’t save me from that fate when it happens. Time to look to the green grass on the other side me thinks.
Fanboys.
Yes there are those that believe that they item/ product/ thing is the best in the world and no matter what happens, this religion sticks with them. I say religion because that’s what it is, a cult may be more appropriate.
I won’t point fingers but a person who shall remain nameless has discovered joy in a specific product, the irony is that I agree with him, but on principle must provide the argument against. Their endless enthusiasm although justified just shows the change in culture towards our traditions.
We all have worked so hard to get where we are today and risk the millions invested in R&D be thrown away because someone made it better. Just like the Japanese at the end of world war two started copying the American camera’s and give or take 15 years made better products that they ever could the same is happening in our world. This time it’s the Japanese and oh the Americans and China who are slugging it out.
What is more amusing is that they are competing using the same base for all the products. Items built from the same components and which serve the same ultimate purpose. So fanboys, be warned you are only fuelling the economy of the big three, our empire has been reduced to two dozen lumps of coal where once we ruled the oceans, and actually most of the world; it is all your fault. You have sold yourselves for the cheapest instant gratification.
Opera.
This is something that means a lot to me, having been de-virginized to the joy of opera a few weeks ago. It’s not a cheap hobby, but having been once the ENO (English National Opera) have now decided to spam me with special offers so tickets that retail at 70-100 GBP can now be had for 15. Which in the grand scheme of things is great, not that we mind paying full price but if the show is not full why not sell the rest of the seats of cheap?
This is a model airlines used to follow many moons ago, it always meant that they had full planes. These days however they sell cheap if you book months in advance but very expensive if it is last minute. Therefore losing my business and anyone else’s who is spontaneous.
I digress, if you have never been then go, it is worth doing at least once in your life. It shows us how tragedy can make people happier. Forget Hollywood and Disney endings, the only purpose of those is to make you return to watch more and drown in the fantasy of impossible romance, which in the end just makes you sad because it shows you what you can never have.
However opera and tragedy shows you how much worse it could be for you and therefore by association how you don’t really have it that bad. Think about it, would you prefer to aspire to something that is not real or be happy that what you have is so much better than everyone else. Humans are selfish…. We want to be special.
*waves arms*
A big up to da man who sells da restora mojo juice! Yousa be knowing who you is!
*thumbs down*
To my basic package product who changes the rules and wont write for me when I go away and therefore leads to customer service issues.
*hugs*
For all the crazy friends who seem to think that polishing wooden floors is an activity that you share with you friends after bribing them with wine and good food.
Signing off
Lemon Tree Man
Unfortunately this means that I have a few things I would like to say and not enough energy to type it all. So without further waffling let’s get started.
Politiking in the office.
All thanks to our comrades and our socialist office structure we are now being faced with the classic animal farm scenario of Napoléon being more equal than others. In fact I believe most people are more equal than me.
Please don’t think I am at all jealous at being the humble comrade that sits around drinking vodka day in and day out. I like being at the bottom of the pile as it gives me the possibility to mooch about and be ‘hip and cool’.
What worries me is that I am like the horse at the end of its useful life, rather than be let free to roam amongst the pastures to enjoy my reward for working so much, I have a sneaky suspicion that it’s to the glue factory for this one.
Of course the glue will help other worker bees’ lives but invariably it will profit only the king of the hill. All the best will in the world won’t save me from that fate when it happens. Time to look to the green grass on the other side me thinks.
Fanboys.
Yes there are those that believe that they item/ product/ thing is the best in the world and no matter what happens, this religion sticks with them. I say religion because that’s what it is, a cult may be more appropriate.
I won’t point fingers but a person who shall remain nameless has discovered joy in a specific product, the irony is that I agree with him, but on principle must provide the argument against. Their endless enthusiasm although justified just shows the change in culture towards our traditions.
We all have worked so hard to get where we are today and risk the millions invested in R&D be thrown away because someone made it better. Just like the Japanese at the end of world war two started copying the American camera’s and give or take 15 years made better products that they ever could the same is happening in our world. This time it’s the Japanese and oh the Americans and China who are slugging it out.
What is more amusing is that they are competing using the same base for all the products. Items built from the same components and which serve the same ultimate purpose. So fanboys, be warned you are only fuelling the economy of the big three, our empire has been reduced to two dozen lumps of coal where once we ruled the oceans, and actually most of the world; it is all your fault. You have sold yourselves for the cheapest instant gratification.
Opera.
This is something that means a lot to me, having been de-virginized to the joy of opera a few weeks ago. It’s not a cheap hobby, but having been once the ENO (English National Opera) have now decided to spam me with special offers so tickets that retail at 70-100 GBP can now be had for 15. Which in the grand scheme of things is great, not that we mind paying full price but if the show is not full why not sell the rest of the seats of cheap?
This is a model airlines used to follow many moons ago, it always meant that they had full planes. These days however they sell cheap if you book months in advance but very expensive if it is last minute. Therefore losing my business and anyone else’s who is spontaneous.
I digress, if you have never been then go, it is worth doing at least once in your life. It shows us how tragedy can make people happier. Forget Hollywood and Disney endings, the only purpose of those is to make you return to watch more and drown in the fantasy of impossible romance, which in the end just makes you sad because it shows you what you can never have.
However opera and tragedy shows you how much worse it could be for you and therefore by association how you don’t really have it that bad. Think about it, would you prefer to aspire to something that is not real or be happy that what you have is so much better than everyone else. Humans are selfish…. We want to be special.
*waves arms*
A big up to da man who sells da restora mojo juice! Yousa be knowing who you is!
*thumbs down*
To my basic package product who changes the rules and wont write for me when I go away and therefore leads to customer service issues.
*hugs*
For all the crazy friends who seem to think that polishing wooden floors is an activity that you share with you friends after bribing them with wine and good food.
Signing off
Lemon Tree Man
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