As mentioned earlier, very briefly, I have managed to be conned into going to a friend’s wedding. To top it off, conned into being one of two best men.
Two you say? Yes my friend is of the greedy sort and well, one is never enough, thankfully he did not get two wives at the same time.
Anyhow I digress, unable to sleep thanks to this snore monster next to me I am forcing myself to be awake and suffer the risk of blowing out my ear drums for the extended trip that I am going to suffer.
Why would being one of two best men be a good thing, well only one of them has to give a speech. As the other one felt reticent in writing, I jumped on the prospect and said that they would have to speak why I said. Him being drunk at the appointed time meant the speech was a little less offensive than originally planned. So much for me ruining his reputation, this survival instinct played good.
The other perk is that you get to do important things and therefore have the opportunity to feed your ego, and to top it off you get a present. Well maybe not traditionally but you do if you were at that wedding. Hence I have acquired a new old man item in the form of a pocket watch. Something that one always want but can’t justify buying, if you are under the age of 150.
So what else is good? Well you get to dress up, sign your life away and can justify talking to all the nice women using the excuse that as best man you need to be ‘sociable’ to everyone. No one minds really… unless you get caught! Besides you are there to take the blame of doing silly things away from the groom, who is stuck on best behaviour seeing as his ball and chain is there watching his every move.
So there you have it not really nice clear reasoning, but I think it might be best sticking to being a best man for a while, unless there is that mysteriously absent lady who is supposed to be one for me, decides to turn up.
Signing off
Lemon Tree Man
Wednesday 1 December 2010
Why being an ex- communist is good.
Hello all, I find myself writing to you from a rather crapped Eurostar train. Having been away for a while at a friend’s wedding, I have neglected updating the blog. Being in a 3rd world ex-communist country, access to the miracle of the interwebs has been virtually non-existent.
Yes, you need to belong to the elite of the nation in order to qualify for Internet. I have to say, and being brutally honest, I really did not miss the Internet. I had no compulsion to repetitively check my e-mails, no desire for Facebook and no need to sit and watch another funny cat video.
Although being stuck on this overcrowded train due to exceptional weather conditions ( ie winter) and being stuck next the largest smelly snorer I would really like to see another funny cat video or even just have some music to drown out the snore orchestra, which seems to be growing and growing and growing.
So why would I go to an ex-communist country to attend a wedding, well my answer is simple, because now that it is an ex-communist country they serve meat and potatoes without the obligatory cabbage.
Yes it is true no more cabbage, it is important to note that these now capitalistic countries no longer feel the need to stuff themselves full of this noxious plant. Yet the industrious and efficient Germans and a large part of the lazy good for nothing French still do so.
So what does this tell us? It is an indicator of immigration, countries that consume mass cabbage do not emigrate to the UK. How many new French of Germans do you see?
Compare that to the number of ex-communists?
See my point?
If we decided to forgo the boiled cabbage with our Sunday roasts we might as a nation, be able to immigrate and conquer desirable places by sheer desire. Let us be honest with ourselves, all the nations that consume lots of cabbage are stagnating and honestly are constituted of lazy good for nothings.
Whereas the cabbage free nations are growing! How else can we explain China’s growth it is not a cabbage loving country, their definition of cabbage is boiled salad…..
So help me create a better world today and give up on cabbage.
Providing tomorrow’s world today.
Signing off
Lemon Tree Man
Yes, you need to belong to the elite of the nation in order to qualify for Internet. I have to say, and being brutally honest, I really did not miss the Internet. I had no compulsion to repetitively check my e-mails, no desire for Facebook and no need to sit and watch another funny cat video.
Although being stuck on this overcrowded train due to exceptional weather conditions ( ie winter) and being stuck next the largest smelly snorer I would really like to see another funny cat video or even just have some music to drown out the snore orchestra, which seems to be growing and growing and growing.
So why would I go to an ex-communist country to attend a wedding, well my answer is simple, because now that it is an ex-communist country they serve meat and potatoes without the obligatory cabbage.
Yes it is true no more cabbage, it is important to note that these now capitalistic countries no longer feel the need to stuff themselves full of this noxious plant. Yet the industrious and efficient Germans and a large part of the lazy good for nothing French still do so.
So what does this tell us? It is an indicator of immigration, countries that consume mass cabbage do not emigrate to the UK. How many new French of Germans do you see?
Compare that to the number of ex-communists?
See my point?
If we decided to forgo the boiled cabbage with our Sunday roasts we might as a nation, be able to immigrate and conquer desirable places by sheer desire. Let us be honest with ourselves, all the nations that consume lots of cabbage are stagnating and honestly are constituted of lazy good for nothings.
Whereas the cabbage free nations are growing! How else can we explain China’s growth it is not a cabbage loving country, their definition of cabbage is boiled salad…..
So help me create a better world today and give up on cabbage.
Providing tomorrow’s world today.
Signing off
Lemon Tree Man
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