Oh I paid my shoes.

Shoes:
A complex amalgamation of fabric and rubber in which to protect your feet from tiny stones and nails that may just happen to be lying on the ground.

Much better than sandals.

Apparently according to some sources:

Wearing shoes makes you lustful to the opposite sex.

Fine, Ok good, very nice. This does not tell me what shoes make me lustful. But I digress... again...

What has prompted me to discuss (read rant of faithful readers) shoes? Well I was standing outside in the smokers corner one day during a mini work break, and I was people watching. I saw things that horrified me and things that thoroughly impressed me.

Men please give up on sandals. Jesus could wear them because he was Special, you are not and heaven forbid wearing flipflops. You are in the middle of one of the worlds dirtiest cities and not on a pure white stretch of sand. How could you expose your evil wiggling things to the world, to let them be coated in grime and dirt and then go home traipsing that trash without a thought to hygiene. (this is making me cringe and want to puke people).

Girls, gladiator sandals were good for Rome and here in the land of the Queen we wore boots, there was a reason for this. It’s cold outside and DIRTY. Peep toe shoes and tights or stockings is a NO NO; it’s all in the name: PEEP TOE not peep mangy stocking tip. Don’t get me started on UGH boots, we are not in Canada where there is ice 10 months of the year!

What happened to elegance people? I know that we are degenerating as a race but Converse All Stars were out 20 years ago, do not prolong the pain. Your collective lack of taste is making me look like an angsty psycho!

Ok here are the rules for footwear:

Men:

No pointy shoes, you are not wizards so don’t.
Square toes, unless you are Frankenstein give up.
Sandals are for Cultists
Plimsolls are for Leftist Hippies
Trainers for chavs.
Go Oxfords go!

Girls:

Peeps toes but no other foot coverings.
High heels are in.
Balerina shoes are great as slippers at home!
Trainers are for sport
Boots of any kind are good
Gladiator sandals are only good as a testament of why the roman empire faded into nothing.

People please respect yourselves and me. Respect the rules

Signing off

Lemon Tree Man